nut hugger
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
