got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
