my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
