Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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