Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
