Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
