Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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