You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
