dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
