why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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