We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
