He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
