You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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