the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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