Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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