Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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