is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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