i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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