please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
