Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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