I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
