If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
