i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
