Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
