Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
