Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
