I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
