I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
