Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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