Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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