Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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