I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
