my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
