i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
