walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
my liver is dry heaving
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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