Im at strip club and am horny
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
