Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
