good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
