it wasn't lemon gatorade
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
