dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
