So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
