i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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