last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
