are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
