He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
