I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
