Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
