that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
