We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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