You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
