While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
