My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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