Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
