question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
