She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
